Adidas’ new Oktoberfest sneakers are beer-and vomit-proof

Amateurs are drunks who vomit on other people’s shoes.

Oktoberfest, whether in Bavaria, or Kitchener, Ont. (that’s in Canada) is full of amateur drunks.

I once got invited to give a talk in Madison, Wisconsin.

Sure, it’s not Milwaukee, but the German influence was everywhere.

I was taken to dinner at some ordinary looking pub, but out back was an entire room devoted to beef-eating and polka music.

It was awesome.

And it wasn’t Oktoberfest, so it was enjoyable.

However, for those looking to gear up for Oktoberfest, because you can’t get enough of drinking warm beer in a concrete hockey arena (the Kitchener version), Adidas has you covered.

The Bavarian-based company is celebrating Oktoberfest in style this year, bringing back its classic lifestyle model, the Adidas Munchen, but with a couple of slight alterations for a much sloppier audience.

Presenting the Adidas Originals Munchen Oktoberfest.

Aesthetically, the brown-and-gold Munchen Oktoberfest are apparently inspired by traditional Bavarian calfskin pants, featuring rich embroidery to match your lederhosen and an inner lining with a red-and-white micro-check tablecloth pattern, which evokes that special alpine sense. Pragmatically, they’re made from fine leather with “DBPR” coating, which, according to Adidas, makes the trainers durably beer- and puke-resistant (thus the DBPR).

Gastro outbreak hits more than 50 day care centres in Brisbane

It’s winter in Brisbane, Australia, with highs in the 90s F (30s C) a couple of weeks ago, and today where I went to the arena for a lunchtime skate with Amy in shorts and the loudest Hawaiian shirt I own (additional layers were added once in the arena), and where what they call gastro outbreaks have increased dramatically.

Seven elderly people have died from gastro at one Brisbane nursing home – vigorously denied by the operator – and more than 50 daycare centres have alerted Queensland Health of gastro outbreaks.

Emergency rooms throughout Brisbane have been overwhelmed, and not just by dumbass Canadians falling off bikes.

But what is a gastro bug?

How can they not name the bug?

Regis aged care facility in the suburb of Yeronga, just down the road from us, has been in lockdown for 26 days.

A Regis spokesperson on Tuesday night reiterated “there have been no deaths confirmed as being as a result of gastro.”

“As advised previously, Regis has experienced an episode of gastroenteritis at the Yeronga facility. It was first identified on 28 July. We are pleased to say that the episode is nearing completion.”

Darren Cartwright of the Courier-Mail reported yesterday there has been a four-fold increase in gastroenteritis outbreaks in Brisbane’s daycare centres, with almost 200 children alone affected on the southside since June.

In total more than 50 daycare centres have alerted Queensland Health of an outbreak of gastroenteritis.

A Queensland Health spokesman acknowledged the outbreaks were “significantly” higher this year than for the same eight week periods in 2016.

“The data indicates a significantly high number of outbreaks during this eight week period in 2017, however, it should be noted that half of these outbreaks involved fewer than 10 unwell children,” the spokesman said.

That will make the parents and kids feel better.

“In general, it has been a big year for viral gastroenteritis outbreaks across the region.”

Oh, it’s a virus.

Does the virus have a name?

 

Who will clean up the puke in self-driving taxis?

Canada’s Driving magazine asks: who will clean up the barf in self-driving cars?

Bloomberg reports those working for companies like Lyft and Uber are already discovering a downside of the general public that retailers and restaurateurs and hoteliers have always known. People are pigs. It makes perfect sense that the same people who use white hotel towels to wipe their muddy shoes and return used appliances in sealed boxes will treat a hired ride just as poorly. Hell, some people treat their own cars in ways that would make you shudder.

I spent a weekend in New Liskeard once, a tiny town far north in Ontario (I’ve also been there for a weekend). They do an annual Biker’s Reunion every Canada Day. The place is inundated with visitors and drunken revellers. I took a cab back to my hotel (after a one hour wait) and asked my driver what he did if he had a barfer.

“Two hundred bucks,” he responded. “They get charged two hundred bucks.”

Realizing that it was overwhelmingly drunks who called for cabs at events like this, I wondered if the steep surcharge was actually enforceable.

“We only have two cars,” he responded. “You can’t hide puke.”

 

Jennifer Lawrence barfs during Broadway show

Mike Moffitt of SF Gate reports “Hunger Games” star Jennifer Lawrence vomited during a Broadway adaptation of George Orwell‘s “1984,” but she says it was not the harrowing torture scene that made her toss her cookies.

The actress’ stomach problems were first reported by Page Six.

The play’s upsetting staging has reportedly caused audience members to faint, although until Monday night, no one apparently has thrown up.

Those who have read “1984,” are well aware of a nausea-inducing scene involving a cage and a rat.

According to a Page Six source, “Midway through the show, Jennifer Lawrence bolted from her seat. Several people saw her getting sick in the lobby. The ushers were very helpful and courteous in helping her out.”

The site quoted a friend of Lawrence, who said the visceral staging had nothing to do with the actress’ stomach distress. “She caught the stomach flu from her nephews,” the source said.

It’s not the first time Lawrence has publicly puked.

At a Guy Oseary-Madonna party in 2014, she got sick and threw up on a porch.

She told Seth Meyers: “I was in such bad condition, and I look behind me while I’m puking, and Miley Cyrus is there like, ‘Get it together.'”

Have you ever vomited so violently your bladder exploded? This UK woman did, and blames dodgy seafood

Lewis Pennock of the Mirror reports a 46-year-old woman vomited so violently her bladder exploded in a horrific case of food poisoning.

The woman, who had eaten dodgy seafood, was rushed to hospital after spending all night being sick until her condition deteriorated to the point her bladder ruptured.

A serving of gone-off seafood is thought to have left the woman with severe food poisoning, before her symptoms spiralled.

Surgeons who inspected the damage found a 3cm tear in the organ, a report in the British Medical Journal said, which is an incredibly rare side effect of vomiting.

The BMJ Case Report, authored by four medics from West Hertfordshire Hospitals NHS Trust, said the extreme injury was a “rare” reaction.

The unnamed woman, thought to be from Watford, had been eating dinner in a restaurant when she fell ill with food poisoning and began to vomit.

She went home but began to feel worse – and the vomiting became so intense her bladder was ruptured.

She decided to seek medical attention when the frequency and intensity of the vomiting caused her to bleed heavily from her vagina, experts said.

The woman, who had no history of a weakened bladder, was unable to go to the toilet despite having a full bladder.

The BMJ report said: “Spontaneous bladder rupture is a rare entity, with very few reports in the literature.”

It added: “This unusual case is important, as it has demonstrated that even normal, healthy bladders may rupture during episodes of high intra-abdominal pressure.”

Australian barfgate: Who chundered in a ministerial car?

Linda Silmalis of the Courier Mail writes it has been dubbed Barf-gate — who chundered in a ministerial car, leaving the driver gagging and resulting in a clean-up bill costing hundreds of dollars?

The car was driven by a ministerial driver who transported NSW Nationals leader John Barilaro and Liberal MP Eleni Petinos (right, with Blues coach) from ANZ Stadium, where they had been watching the State of Origin match on Wednesday night.

The pair had watched the game with Mr Barilaro’s young daughter and one of his staffers.

Mr Barilaro was in a celebratory mode after a successful state Budget, tweeting from the game: “I spent today backing #NSW in small business AND State of #Origin! UP THE BLUES!!!!!”

By Friday, word was going around Parliament House of a driver fuming over what he had discovered in the car upon starting his shift hours — possible a day — later.

 “The word is one vomited, and that set off the others,” a source close to the driver said.

Mr Barilaro, a married ­father of two, declined to ­answer any questions about the cost of the clean-up bill, nor who left the car in a mess.

A statement from his ­office confirmed Mr Barilaro and Ms Petinos were at Origin, but declined to confirm the figure to be repaid.

 “The taxpayer will not have to bear any costs,” the statement said.

 “Costs incurred will be privately managed.”

Satire: Rookie USDA Agent vomits after seeing first rotten orange

Unable to contain his nausea at the horrifying scene before him, rookie USDA agent Michael Dunn vomited Friday after seeing his first rotten orange.

“As soon as the kid caught a glimpse of that produce lying there decomposing, he turned away, hunched over, and started throwing up like crazy,” said supervisor Carl Webster, adding that it was not uncommon for brand-new agents to react in such a manner when suddenly confronted with a putrefying, fly-covered rind. “He’ll get past it, though—you build up your tolerance after a while. The key is to not let it faze you but also never forget that this rotting pulp was once a sweet, delicious part of someone’s fruit bowl or lunchbox.”

At press time, Dunn had steeled himself and looked at the orange once more, but was vomiting again before he could make it back to the car.

Norovirus plagues nearly 1,000 people in northern Calif. schools

I love that barfblog Ben’s partner, Dani, wrote today that, “For those of you wondering, Barfblog Ben has no idea how to actually clean up barf in real life,” after she cleaned up dog barf at 1 a.m. and kid barf at 1 p.m. at the hockey store.

I feel your pain – and irony.

There was this one time, we were driving home from Florida, and we were already back in Kansas, and Sorenne barfed, so I barfed in response.

I viewed it as a pathetic fallacy barf.

And this other time, one of my daughters barfed as the plane landed and I handled it like a pro.

Maybe it’s a cleaning of convenience that Chapman suffers from.

Almost 1,000 people in northern California have been infected with norovirus as it rips through multiple school districts.

That’s a lot of people barfing, and a disturbing lack of knowledge about what a deep clean actually means.

The Yolo County Health & Human Services Agency announced the virus, which causes fever and diarrhea, was rapidly affecting students, teachers and staff at area schools.

“The number of sick people is increasing every day at a very alarming rate,” the agency said in a press release.

The gastrointestinal illness, for which there’s no treatment, has impacted 32 schools in the county, located northwest of Sacramento.

Norovirus is highly contagious, health officials said. People can catch it by touching contaminated surfaces, coming in close contact with others carrying it and eating infected food.

The message is good hygiene and staying home 48 hours after the symptoms have resolved are crucial,” said Yolo County spokeswoman Beth Gabor. “I think that has been the problem. Kids have been returning to school too soon.”

It’s a nice message, but not one that works for parents or staff who have to work.

Be more creative.

There’s almost 1,000 people sick.

Dani, Amy, happy mother’s day. Being a mother usually involves a lot of barf.

 

The Kentucky Derby is decadent and depraved: 5 quotes that capture the madness

Elaborate clothes, excessive drinking and loutish behaviour. Can you tell the difference between the 1970s Kentucky Derby and the atmosphere at the races today?

‘The Kentucky Derby is Decadent and Depraved’ is Hunter S. Thompson’s 1970s rendering of the ever-famous Louisville event, the annual Kentucky Derby. Alongside his companion and cartoonist Ralph Steadman, he paints a picture of an event that is just that: utterly decadent and wholly depraved.

Check out our top five quotes and you’ll see what we mean…

#1 Hunter S. Thompson and Steadman arrive at the racetrack bar and anyone who’s anyone is there: the politicians, the beautiful women and the rich locals, all there to see and be seen.

The only thing more important than the horse race itself is the sport of people-watching.

How different is that to the streams of spectators dressed in their best finery on Millionaire’s Row, desperate to impress the watchful eyes of the fashion police at the track nowadays?

#2 Looking out over the stands, Hunter S. Thompson imagines them packed with spectators, crying, fighting and falling over each other when the Kentucky Derby begins. The screaming, the vomiting, the public urination, the desperate grappling for money.

Ever sat in the cheap seats at a race track? If you’re in the infield, say goodbye to your hearing, you might as well throw away your shoes, and forget about personal space.

#3 Hunter S. Thompson studies the faces of the horse breeders, looking for the one face that perfectly represents the character of the typical Kentucky Derby race-goer. The privileged sort, drunk on whiskey and the belief in their own pure-bred Southern superiority.

They might be less conspicuously drunk nowadays but the only people who claim to be more pure-bred than the horses at a derby are the people who breed them.

#4 That night after the first race, drinking ensues in the unfortunate absence of drugs. Stealing passes to the race clubhouse, Hunter S. Thompson and Steadman spend an incoherent Kentucky Derby Day lost in a sea of whiskey-soaked people.

We’ve all seen the pictures of the rowdy drunken crowds falling over each other and pouring out of a race track. Hardly a stretch for the imagination.

#5 Hunter S. Thompson awakes from his drunken, sleep-like stupor, he sees an ill, red, haggered-looking face in the mirror. The exact face of the loathsome type of person he was looking for at the Derby.

The morning after the night before. We’ve all been there. This one doesn’t necessarily apply exclusively to horse races…just, mornings.

Hunter S. Thompson got one thing right in ‘The Kentucky Derby is Decadent and Depraved’: the racetrack is capable of bringing out the worst in human nature. But there’s really no denying it, it’s still a great day out.

Raw is risky: Drake cancels show in Amsterdam after sushi makes him barf

For Canadians, the musician Drake will always be known as Jimmy Brooks from the teen dram series Degrassi: The Next Generation.

For Americans, he’s known as Drake, with 21 tracks on the streaming songs chart (all from ‘More Life’), beating his own record for the most concurrently charting tracks. He’s also No. 1 on Billboard.

For the Dutch, Drake is known as the barfing performer who couldn’t do a show.

TMZ reports Drake ate some bad sushi on Monday, and it messed up his stomach. We’re told it was so bad he had to get medical treatment immediately. It wasn’t enough though … he was still too sick to go onstage, which seriously pissed off the entire arena full of fans who’d already been waiting in their seats for 75 minutes when they got the bad news.

It was the third time in 3 months Drake had to postpone an Amsterdam gig … which explains why fans threw crap onstage. He’s promised to make up the show Wednesday.

Sometimes celebrities — and mere mortals — use foodborne illness as an excuse to mask their excesses the night before. Just sayin’.