Peru soccer team allegedly poisons foes

I used to work with a guy a long time ago who said, “when I retire, I’m going to take my guitar, a couple of amps, sit on my front porch, and do a lot of hallucinogens.”

He had a poster of Jimi Hendrix in his office.

The New York Daily News reports an unidentified staff member of the Peru soccer team, Sport Ancash, has been accused of giving players from opposing team, Hijos de Acosvinchos, drugged water after four of the players passed out in the final moments of their Peruvian second-division game.

Doctors at a nearby hospital found traces of benzodiazepine — a psychoactive drug with sedative properties — in the player’s bloodstream.

Using the Contador defense, Sport Ancash President Jose Mallaqui blamed the incident on poultry, adding

“I was able to find out that the players ate rotisserie chicken and had some energy drinks before the game, which ended up hurting them.”

Sport Ancash ended up losing the game, 3-0.