Canada – it’s not even a real country anyway

Is it Canada Day or Canada Dry?

Thanks Sarah Silverman.

Canada, the summit of mediocrity, and where a Maple Leafs jersey can only be cool 15,000 miles away.

That’s Sorenne with teacher Nancy at pre-school. Nancy was born in Arnprior, raised in Pembroke that’s near Ottawa, in Canada (hello Alanis).

To my fans at the Canadian Food Inspection Agency who think my mentions of geography is derogatory and are once again dispensing crappy food safety advice for Canada Day, I have readers in 69 other countries who aren’t as self-important as Canada.

Nancy said, I don’t suppose you’d know where Pembroke is, which was the perfect launching point into a twisted tale of hallucinogens, backroads with my friend Dave and my high school sweetheart’s family cottage in nearby Barry’s Bay.

Nancy said I had an evil past.

I said I just like to tell stories.

Nancy was arranging pancakes and maple syrup for today, but they don’t let me cook – even though I volunteered – after I showed up with my own tip sensitive digital thermometer.

Canada Day – it’s not even a real country anyway.