Thanks for the salmonella, Western food services

With the number of confirmed cases of Salmonella food poisoning reaching 77 at the University of Western Ontario Friday — and over 50 more showing symptoms — Erin Haertel, an Astrophysics II student expressed his feelings in the student paper, The Western Gazette:

I would like to thank and congratulate you, Western Food Services. No really, thank you. Finally, you have successfully sent us asshole university students to the hospital with your shitty-ass food.

We certainly appreciate the experience. Yep, thoroughly enjoyable. Although some people may have missed the sign that said: “Today’s Special: Pay $5 for tasteless crap and receive free salmonella poisoning.”

I can’t believe that deal even included ceaseless vomiting and diarrhea — a regular value of your health — only at the cost of your grades! That’s okay — we didn’t have to write that midterm anyway.

It’s unfortunate it was only available for a limited time while contaminated quantities lasted. Or at least until the Middlesex-London health inspectors got on the scene. Oh, by the way, the inspectors are sorry for their absence before the outbreak — they were on vacation in Fiji.

One teensy problem, though — I guess the “general public” prefers to stay healthy (I know, what gives?) and people view a hospital as a place to go when something is “wrong.”

So maybe it’s not a good idea to slack when it comes to health and safety. Just a suggestion. Oh, and apparently people have a problem with expired food. I just thought I’d throw that out there.

But good job on the food variety — now we have healthy food places. I can get Evian water for $3 and a salad for only $6, which is understandable considering the two and a half cherry tomatoes are really expensive.

So, again, thank you so much for realizing people actually live on campus (key word: live), and providing them with some drama over Western’s ass-tastic food. A business with legal issues never bores.