Listeria in SA: ‘Fuck you Doug’

Ms Patrick would be proud.

She was my grade 7 teacher and instilled in me an efficiency with words.

So when Seattle lawyer Bill Marler wrote me last night to say, “By the way Fuck you Doug,” I immediately thought, ‘By the way,’ is a waste of words.

Just say, Fuck you Doug.

The issue is 183 dead and 967 sick from Listeria in South Africa.

Every time I see Marler quoted as a food safety expert, I vomit a little bit in my mouth.

Rhetoric is the prose of lawyers.

I don’t like Rush, even though they played at my high school.



Because Nickelback sucks: Canadian police are punishing drunk drivers by making them listen to Nickelback

The questionable music quality of Canadian rock band Nickelback has become the butt of jokes and ridicule, but before now it had not slipped so far as to be considered torture.

nickelback-rcmpThat seems to be the insinuation police in the town of Kensington, on Canada’s Prince Edward Island, made when they threatened to unleash Chad Kroeger’s voice on anyone caught drunk driving over the upcoming holiday season.

In a Facebook post last week that just received attention Wednesday, the department threatened: “On top of a hefty fine, a criminal charge and a years driving suspension, we will also provide you with a bonus gift of playing the offices [sic] copy of Nickelback in the cruiser on the way to jail.” Along with the post came a picture of an unopened copy—a cassette—of Nickelback’s September 11, 2001 release of Silver Side Up, which went Platinum in Canada, the United States, and the United Kingdom. Some Canadians took offense to the warning, and said the police department was making jokes about a serious crime. Some defended Nickelback. Others offered alternative Canadian-born artists to help deter drunk driving, like pop singer Justin Bieber.

I would suggest Celine Dion, Bryan Adams and Rush.

Below, the only decent Rush song.

Whole Foods still sucks at food safety: Hep A link in Detroit (vaccines work)

A bromate at the daddy crowd at school pickup yesterday sheepishly admitted that until two years ago, he thought the band Queen was from the U.S.

whole-foodsI asked him, where were the Beatles from?

Liverpool, UK.

Rolling Stones?

Detroit, Michigan, Rock City USA (he was joking).

Regardless of where you’re from, Whole Foods still sucks at food safety.

The Detroit Health Department is investigating two cases of Hepatitis A in connection with the prepared foods section at the Whole Foods Market at 115 Mack Avenue in Detroit, officials said.

One case was diagnosed in an employee at the store who handles and prepared food at the store.

The second case was diagnosed in a Detroit resident who ate at the prepared foods section of the store.

It’s unclear how either case was contracted, officials said. It’s possible the second case might have been contracted from the food handler, health officials said.

The Detroit Health Department recommends anyone who ate prepared foods from the Whole Foods in Detroit between Oct. 6 and Oct. 12 to speak with a doctor.

“While it remains unclear exactly how either of these individuals contracted Hepatitis A, and we know that Whole Foods Market Detroit has a comprehensive food safety protocol, we want to do our best to protect our residents and those of surrounding communities who may have been exposed. Whole Foods has been nothing but cooperative throughout this process,” said Dr. Abdul El-Sayed, executive director and health officer at the Detroit Health Department.

(Canada should also apologize for Rush).

Rudd: Making people puke is a whole different league: theatergoer vomits over the balcony

I Love You, Man star and seemingly all-around nice guy Paul Rudd had to observe barfing during a performance of his new Broadway play, Grace.

As first reported by Gothamist, and recounted in New York Magazine, about midway through the show, somebody in the mezzanine vomited over the balcony and onto the people below. A representative at O&M, which handles public relations for the Cort Theater, told us that it appeared the patron was drunk. But that might not be the whole story, according to eyewitness Gabe Alfassy.

Though sitting near the front of the orchestra section at the time, Alfassy says he was able to look back and see the entire incident clearly. It all started when the man in question — who appeared to be elderly, according to Alfassy — passed out. He “fell forward so that he was leaning/hanging over the balcony,” Alfassy recalled. “Then as people were trying to get him back up and into his seat, he threw up all over the people below him in the orchestra and then collapsed on the floor of the balcony. A group of about twenty formed around where he was, and everyone in the theater was looking back at the commotion …The stench of the vomit was a little overwhelming, and many people were noticeably uncomfortable, and of course everyone who was vomited on left.”

Bystanders called 911, and although the man was eventually able to get up and return to his seat, Alfassy is unsure what ultimately became of him. In other words, it’s not quite clear whether this is a gross/hilarious story about an old dude who drank too much, or a sad story about an ill elderly man. Either way, throughout the entire crazy episode, the show never stopped:

The actors kept it together, but Paul Rudd was trying to see what was going on during it all, and Michael Shannon was noticeably agitated by what was happening and started speaking much louder than before while staring at the huge group in the balcony. At the end of the show, they all made jokes about it, Paul Rudd saying how as an actor being able to move people to tears or to laughter is amazing but moving them to puking is a whole different league.