Top 20 secrets your waiter will never tell you, condensed version

Or the 7 I thought most relevant. This, from Who knows if it’s true.

1. We’re not allowed to tell our customers we don’t like a dish. So if you ask your server how something is and she says, “It’s one of our most popular dishes,” chances are she doesn’t like it.
—Waitress at a well-known pizza chain

2. On Christmas Day, when people ask why I’m there, I might say, “My sister’s been in the hospital,” or, “My brother’s off to war, so we’re celebrating when he gets back.” Then I rake in the tips.
—Chris, a New York City waiter and the founder of

5. When I was at one bakery restaurant, they used to make this really yummy peach cobbler in a big tray. A lot of times, servers don’t have time to eat. So we all kept a fork in our aprons, and as we cruised through the kitchen, we’d stick our fork in the cobbler and take a bite. We’d use the same fork each time.
—Kathy Kniss

9. I knew one guy — he was a real jerk — he’d go to Costco and buy this gigantic carrot cake for $10 and tell us to say it’s homemade. Then he sold it for $10 a slice.
—Steve Dublanica, veteran New York waiter and author of "Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip — Confessions of a Cynical Waiter"

10. Oh, you needed more water so badly, you had to snap or tap or whistle? I’ll be right back … in ten minutes.
—Charity Ohlund

18. Use your waiter’s name. When I say, “Hi, my name is JR, and I’ll be taking care of you,” it’s great when you say, “Hi, JR. How are you doing tonight?” Then, the next time you go in, ask for that waiter. He may not remember you, but if you requested him, he’s going to give you really special service.
—JR, waiter at a fine-dining restaurant and author of the blog

20. If you walk out with the slip you wrote the tip on and leave behind the blank one, the server gets nothing. It happens all the time, especially with people who’ve had a few bottles of wine.
—Judi Santana

‘You made my mum eat poo;’ legal action planned against Australian pub

So this family goes to a pub to watch some footy. Let’s call them Mr. And Mrs. Whyte, because that’s their names.

The Whytes didn’t like the service, thought the food expensive, and complained.

Never complain about restaurant food and then get more food, especially if it’s free. Didn’t anyone watch that movie, Waiting, featuring Mr. Scarlett Johansson, Ryan Reynolds?

As reported in the Sydney Morning Herald, the Whytes and their three sons were served complimentary gelato dessert by Coogee Bay Hotel staff three weeks ago after complaining about food prices, facilities and staff attitude.

Mrs Whyte said,

"There were four scoops including vanilla, chocolate and hazelnut. At the bottom, there appeared to be chocolate. Greedily, I went for it ahead of the kids. Thank heavens I did. The stench, the taste … I spat the food into a napkin and immediately I was sick.

"There was no doubting what it was. The whole family became hysterical. My poor son screamed at one of their staff: ‘You made my mum eat poo."’ The family complained to Waverley police.

The story says that the family took a sample of the gelato and had it tested at the National Measurement Institute. A report from the institute found: "The sample has an offensive odour and physical properties similar to human excreta."

In a letter to the family, hotel general manager Tony Williams said,

"If the incident did happen, as claimed, then it may well have been an act of industrial sabotage — with the hotel as a victim alongside your family."

But yesterday Mr Williams said the case was now a legal issue that would be "vigorously defended".

"We are aware of the allegation and are treating it as extremely suspicious. Mr and Mrs Whyte have made a demand for up to $1 million from The Coogee Bay Hotel … We categorically stand behind the high quality of our food and the exemplary hygiene standards set in the new brassiere kitchen."