Humanure: It’s extreme, like Mountain Dew, if it was derived from human poop

For more than a decade, 57-year-old roofer and writer Joseph Jenkins has been advocating that we flush our toilets down the drain and put a bucket in the bathroom instead.

When a bucket in one of his five bathrooms is full, he empties it in the compost pile in his backyard in rural Pennsylvania. Eventually he takes the resulting soil and spreads it over his vegetable garden as fertilizer.

"It’s an alternative sanitation system," says Jenkins, "where there is no waste." His 255-page Humanure Handbook: A Guide to Composting Human Manure is in its third edition and has been translated into five languages, but it has only recently begun to catch on. His message? Human manure, when properly managed, is odorless. His audience? Ecologically committed city dwellers who are looking to do more for the earth than just sort their trash or ride a bike to work.

Night soil is rumored to be used in the production  of fresh veggies , especially for upscale restaurants, in many large cities.

I’ll stick with riding my bike to work, and thank engineers for sewage treatment.

Get vaccinated for hepatitis A or you’ll rue the day

Real Genius was a 1985 fluff film notable for some witty banter, bunny slippers, and that actor Val Kilmer, in the role of science whiz Chris Knight, once had a sense of humor. Like this scene, right:

Dr. Dodd: Why is that toy on your head?
Chris Knight: Because if I wear it any place else, it chafes.

And I wish I’d remembered this classic when Amy was pregnant. I had so many opportunities to use it:

Chris Knight: Do you mind if I name my first child after you? "Dipshit Knight" has a nice ring to it.

I was struck with nostalgia when I read the headline in Canada’s North Bay Nugget this morning, Victim rues not getting vaccinated.

I looked at Amy and said, “You’ll rue the day. Who talks like that? Where’s that line from?”

“I don’t know.”

Then I used a tool my students finally taught me to use a few years ago. It’s called Google. And there it was:

[Kent opens his dorm room door to find his car inside]
Chris Knight: Hey Kent… That’s your car.
Mitch: Kent, you know you’re not supposed to park that on campus.
Kent: You’ve gone too far this time, Knight.
Chris Knight: [whiny, scared voice] I had help!
[points to Mitch]
Kent: You, huh? Well you won’t get away with this. Doctor Hathaway’s gonna hear all about this. You’ll rue the day!
Chris Knight: "Rue the day?" Who talks like that?

And rather than rue the day, get vaccinated for hepatitis A before going to the Dominican Republic. Or you may cause a health scare where you bartend.

The North Bay Parry Sound District Health Unit announced Wednesday there was one case of hepatitis A in the city. Officials advised patrons who had visited the bar Nov. 26, Dec. 3, 4, 10 or 11 to watch for symptoms associated with the virus and contact their health-care providers.

And some more of the witty 1985 banter:

Chris Knight: Sir, let me take this moment to compliment you on your fashion sense, particularly your slippers.

Kent: Uh, I’ll catch up with you guys. I have to go to the bathroom.
Chris Knight: Okay, Kent, but I don’t think that’s going to help your confidence any, do you?

Professor Hathaway: I want to see more of you around the lab.
Chris Knight: Fine. I’ll gain weight.

Chris Knight: Kent puts his name on his license plate.
Mitch: My mom does the same thing to my underwear.
Chris Knight: Your mom puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?