Top-5 Records presents top-5 restaurant complaints

Who doesn’t like a list? David Letterman figured this out decades ago. Today, the Detroit Free Press chimes in with the top-5 complaints of restaurant patrons.

And none of them had to do with barfing.

1. Over 100 readers responded and the overwhelming top complaint was being addressed as "you guys" — as in "How are you guys?" or "Are you guys ready to order?" (In Canadian, that may be “youse guys.”). I have to agree with this. With five daughters and coaching girls’ hockey and soccer for years, I made it a point never to refer to the young ladies as ‘youse guys.’ A guy, by definition, is male, and I’m not sure how the “you guys” thing ever caught on. And there are gender-neutral alternatives, like ‘folks’ or ‘youse.’ One male reader wrote, "I am a customer, not a casual buddy."

2. Asking, "Do you need change?" when a server picks up a guest’s check with cash. Diners considered it presumptuous or thought it was an effort to get an extra-large tip — so they left less in protest. Most servers will tell you they’re only trying to avoid an unnecessary trip back to the table.

3. Checks brought too soon irk many readers; most interpret it as a sign the restaurant wants them to leave quickly. I prefer an early check because it sucks to be waiting around with a restless child or five just to pay the bill.

4. Sortofa food safety one — wiping down tabletops and chair seats with the same dirty cloth all over the dining room

5. Loud music or televisions. Agreed. I can do that at home. Cause I like to party.