Peru soccer team allegedly poisons foes

I used to work with a guy a long time ago who said, “when I retire, I’m going to take my guitar, a couple of amps, sit on my front porch, and do a lot of hallucinogens.”

He had a poster of Jimi Hendrix in his office.

The New York Daily News reports an unidentified staff member of the Peru soccer team, Sport Ancash, has been accused of giving players from opposing team, Hijos de Acosvinchos, drugged water after four of the players passed out in the final moments of their Peruvian second-division game.

Doctors at a nearby hospital found traces of benzodiazepine — a psychoactive drug with sedative properties — in the player’s bloodstream.

Using the Contador defense, Sport Ancash President Jose Mallaqui blamed the incident on poultry, adding

“I was able to find out that the players ate rotisserie chicken and had some energy drinks before the game, which ended up hurting them.”

Sport Ancash ended up losing the game, 3-0.

Man jailed for intentional vomit on Phillies fans

Baseball is so boring.

A New Jersey man (right, exactly as shown) was jailed after he intentionally vomited on an off-duty police captain and his 11-year-old daughter in the stands during a Philadelphia Phillies baseball game, police said.

USA Today says the barf started brewing when the man’s friend was kicked out of the stadium after the police captain complained to security about their drunktard ways which included cursing and spitting at people. When the man’s friend was escorted out of the place, he retaliated by putting his fingers down his throat and barfing all over the captain and his daughter.

As Michael K over at dlisted wrote, it gets barfier. When police arrived to arrest the man, he spewed on another officer. In addition to attacking the officers with the insides of his stomach the man also punched a couple of cops.