Boys should urinate outside to stimulate the compost pile; girls, your pee is too acidic

Sometimes, when I wake up in the middle of the night, and don’t want to disturb Amy and Sorenne in our small space, I’ll go pee off the back deck.

I also don’t flush the toilet when I pee, unless I’ve eaten asparagus. Cameron Diaz would approve and say I’m saving the planet.

Gardeners at a National Trust property in Cambridgeshire are urging people to relieve themselves outdoors to help gardens grow greener.

A three-metre long "pee bale" has been installed at Wimpole Hall.

Head gardener Philip Whaites is urging his male colleagues to pee on the straw bale to activate the composting process on the estate’s compost heap.

He said the "pee bale" is only in use out of visitor hours, since "we don’t want to scare the public".

"There are obvious logistical benefits to limiting it to male members of the team, but also male pee is preferable to women’s, as the male stuff is apparently less acidic."

"Adding a little pee just helps get it all going; it’s totally safe and a bit of fun too."

As David Wilcox sang some 30 years ago,

Do it in the country they like it just fine
Do it in the city it’s a $20 fine
Hot hot papa