Gassy suspect caught by police after letting out loud fart in Missouri

I never tire of fart stories.

KXAN reports law enforcement in Missouri are sharing the unlikely way they managed to capture a suspect wanted for possession of a controlled substance.

The Clay County Sheriff’s Office says the man was hiding but passed gas loudly enough that it gave away his location.

The sheriff tweeted about the incident, saying “if you’ve got a felony warrant for your arrest, the cops are looking for you and you pass gas so loud it gives up your hiding spot, you’re definitely having a (poop emoji) day.”

The City of Liberty thanked the sheriff’s office for “airing out a wanted person’s dirty laundry.”

‘Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries’ There’s no taunting like a French taunting

I’ve applied for a bunch of Australian public service jobs, to pay the bills, support my family, but I loath myself for doing so.

I should just write.

Or taunt French people.

One of my applications got promoted to the next level, where I was required to complete a one-hour test to demonstrate fluency – I cannot make this up – in logical, verbal and numerical elements.

I probably failed, and that’s why the best and brightest get promoted upwards.

John Wilson of The Canberra Times writes that Monty Python were never accused of holding back from crude humour. One of their more memorable lines – “I fart in your general direction” – uttered by the Insulting Frenchman, fits this bill. Yet their scenes are often divorced from reality, skirting outside the bounds of the possible.

However you say it – flatulence, bum sneezes, letting one rip or plain old farting – it is (usually) an involuntary act that is met with embarrassment. This is particularly true in the office, where it certainly is not met with the triumphant gloating of the Insulting Frenchman.

So it may surprise some readers to learn that intentional farts are in fact frequently cited as sources of workplace grievances and evidence of bullying. Not only are accusations levelled that a colleague farted in their general direction, it is often the case that someone farted in their specific direction.

The rest of the story has the smelly details.

My five daughters all made fart jokes, until they reached puberty. Then it’s just embarrassing.

So, I’m savoring every moment of daughter Sorenne peeling one off in the morning and proudly proclaiming, ‘Excuse me, I farted.’

I have no doubt it was Chapman: Fart forces AA passengers off plane in Raleigh

CBS North Carolina reports a person who “passed gas” on an American Airlines plane on Sunday afternoon forced all passengers off the jet.

The incident happened when passengers on the flight became ill with nausea and headaches, according to a spokesperson with Raleigh-Durham International Airport.

The flight, which was not identified by RDU officials, landed at the airport around 4 p.m. when the incident was reported.

All the passengers were taken off the plane and after the incident was investigated it was determined that a passenger “passed gas,” the official said.

Not even cats were safe: Priceless 170-year-old Japanese fart scroll digitized

I was eating breakfast with Sorenne and she let out a huge, long fart.

17p7on0bgn72xjpgAs she is wont, like all of my 5 girls until they reach puberty, she said, excuse me, I farted, and laughed uproariously for about a minute.

The Japanese apparently share this toilet humor.

The scrolls were likely political cartoons of the day, railing against threats to Japan’s isolationist policies due to gunboat diplomacy like the Perry Expedition. You can’t spell “fine art” without “fart.”

Hegassen_scroll_segment_33

 

But I can’t hold my farts: Florida woman arrested after fight with husband over farts

Who hasn’t been in this situation after so many, uh, blissful years of marriage.

fart.fightFlorida woman Dawn Meikle, 55, was lying in bed with her husband, Donald, just after 3 a.m. on Dec. 11, 2015 when she “elbowed him in the arm” for passing gas between the sheets.

When Donald ignored her pleas to hold the farts in Meikle began to kick him until he eventually got out of bed, according to police records.

But after clearing the air — literally — Donald hopped back into bed. But then the flurry of flatulence continued.

Donald said his wife began another round of kicking and elbowing him, according to the affidavit.

Donald told police he tried to stop Meikle by restraining her “for his own safety.” He received scratches on his chest during the kerfuffle.

Meikle got a split lip but told police her husband “did not punch” her, according to New York Daily News.

“He was restraining me and somehow my lip got split open,” she said.

As the fight escalated, Meikle retreated into the couple’s bathroom and called police, using pepper spray to keep her husband at bay.

Police arrived and arrested Meikle. She was taken to the St Lucie County jail and charged with misdemeanour battery charges.

Sheep farts forced plane to make emergency landing

This story couldn’t be any more Australian unless Mr. G was dancing with the sheep (thanks Courtlynn for the link).

 sheep.fartA Singapore airlines Boeing 747 from Sydney was forced to make an unexpected stopover after methane gas set off the fire alarm .

The Aviation Herald reports the cargo flight from Australia to Kuala Lumpur, with 4 crew and 2,186 sheep on-board, was flying just to the south of Indonesia when the smoke alarms sounded on October 26.

Crew on-board SQ-7108 descended the aircraft immediately and diverted to Bali where they landed about 45 minutes later.

Emergency services didn’t find any trace of fire or smoke and identified the cause to be the result of exhaust gasses and manure produced by the sheep. 

Flyer, fart away; good families don’t unless you’re on a plane

The morning ritual involves plopping on the couch to ply through information while Sorenne has some milk, gets oriented and watches Blinkey Bill.

good.families.don'tThen, she farts.

Loudly.

We all do, in a way that reminds me of Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, when he asks, you ever fart so hard your back cracks?

Apparently, when people fly, changes in air pressure at altitude result in the gut producing more gas.

When Danish gastroenterologist Jacob Rosenberg encountered the malodorous problem first-hand on a flight from Copenhagen to Tokyo, he enlisted some of the finest minds in his field to address the issue. The result was an in-depth review of scientific literature on flatulence, looking at issues such as whether women’s farts smell worse than men’s (yes), what causes the odour (sulphur) and how often the average person passes wind every day (10).

The bottom line, according to the 3,000-word study published in the New Zealand Medical Journal on Friday, is that airline passengers should ignore the social embarrassment of breaking wind and “just let it go”. “(Holding back) holds significant drawbacks for the individual, such as discomfort and even pain, bloating, dyspepsia (indigestion), pyrosis (heartburn) just to name but a few resulting abdominal symptoms,” the study found. “Moreover, problems resulting from the required concentration to maintain such control may even result in subsequent stress symptoms.”

The authors—five gastroenterologists from Denmark and Britain—said that while passengers may experience poor service from the cabin crew as a result of their decision, the health benefits outweighed any negative impacts. However, they said the cockpit crew faced a lose-lose situation. “On the one hand, if the pilot restrains a fart, all the drawbacks previously mentioned, including impaired concentration, may affect his abilities to control the plane,” the researchers said. “On the other hand, if he lets go of the fart, his co-pilot may be affected by its odour, which again reduces safety onboard the flight.”

“We humbly propose that active charcoal should be embedded in the seat cushion, since this material is able to neutralise the odour,” they said. “Moreover active charcoal may be used in trousers and blankets to emphasise this effect.” Air New Zealand declined to comment.

Cow farts in a can

Sometimes I feel insightful, sometimes I feel real trashy, and sometimes I wonder, what’s with Germany?

As noted by Michael K of D-listed, an $8 tin of cow farts sold by a company in Germany. Yeah, I thought Jessica Simpson already had a fragrance out, but the makers of this mess swear they’re the first to put cow farts in a can. They also say it’s the perfect product for city people who miss the smell of the country. … And due to the overwhelming demand for the culo air of cows, they also plan to package the scent of horses, pigs and manure.
 

It was over when she farted – there’s a car for that

Of the few websites I have in my RSS feeds for entertainment is, It Was Over When, all about how couples didn’t come to be. From yesterday:

It was over when she farted at the dinner table and kept on eating like nothing happened.

—WarDog

Aftermath: It ended the next day after I confronted her about the act. She tried to blame it on my dog.

The Japanese carmaker Mitsubishi has smelled the glove and introduced a new interior package it calls cocochi, in which the upholstery in the PX-Miev incorporates an anti-allergen coating that Mitsubishi says breaks down offensive odours and volatile organic compounds as well as deactivating allergens such as ticks and pollen.

And if fighting farts isn’t enough, each of the PX-Miev’s four seats is air-conditioned to ensure any remaining odours are quickly distributed and dispelled.

The PX-Miev’s obsession with smell doesn’t end there. The air-conditioning system pumps out aroma molecules as well as negative-ion and enriched oxygen to reduce fatigue and enhance comfort.